6/30/2010

High Overlord Saurfang Kills Chuck Norris

Oh, it's true. And what follows is entirely Blizzard's fault.

First, allow me to show you a sample question from a tasty new thread on the Official forum:

Q: What were Varok Saurfang's notable accomplishments prior to WoW?
A: Varok Saurfang has served with the Horde ever since he drank the blood of Mannoroth alongside Grom Hellscream. Varok led forces in the sacking of Shattrath, Stormwind, and everything between, never losing in battle until the Horde was routed at the end of the Second War. When Orgrim Doomhammer seized control of the Horde in the First War, he chose Varok Saurfang as his second-in-command after witnessing Varok's efficient and brutal tactics on the field. After the demonic bloodlust had been lifted from the orcs due to Grom Hellscream's sacrifice, Varok helped dozens of veterans come to grips with their previous atrocities, ultimately saving the lives of many great Horde soldiers. Rumor also has it that Saurfang once cleaved three men in half with one swing… of his hand.

Because of the last sentence there, I just spent the last... oh 15-20 minutes... compiling this list from the internet. There ARE funnier ones out there, but frankly... I didn't want to spend MORE time on something that I did just for a quick giggle.

A duck’s quack does not echo. High Overlord Saurfang is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.



High Overlord Saurfang' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

High Overlord Saurfang counted to infinity - twice.

High Overlord Saurfang does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. High Overlord Saurfang goes killing.

If you can see High Overlord Saurfang, he can see you. If you can't see High Overlord Saurfang you may be only seconds away from death.

High Overlord Saurfang sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Varok roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for High Overlord Saurfang.

High Overlord Saurfang has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a High Overlord Saurfang toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

High Overlord Saurfang is 1/8th Night Elf. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Night Elf.

In fine print on the last page of the Azeroth Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by High Overlord Saurfang, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

The chief export of High Overlord Saurfang is pain.

Crop circles are High Overlord Saurfang' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

High Overlord Saurfang once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

High Overlord Saurfang once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans.

High Overlord Saurfang knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

High Overlord Saurfang is what Willis was talking about

High Overlord Saurfang sleeps with a night light. Not because High Overlord Saurfang is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of High Overlord Saurfang.

High Overlord Saurfang can touch MC Hammer.

High Overlord Saurfang frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

There is no such thing as tornados. High Overlord Saurfang just hates trailer parks.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: High Overlord Saurfang.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and High Overlord Saurfang.

High Overlord Saurfang drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

If you want a list of High Overlord Saurfang’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

High Overlord Saurfang has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

High Overlord Saurfang doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

High Overlord Saurfang is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Scientists in Ogrimmar have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are roaches and High Overlord Saurfang.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, High Overlord Saurfang jumps out.

High Overlord Saurfang can piss into gale force winds.

High Overlord Saurfang doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

High Overlord Saurfang is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

High Overlord Saurfang doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

High Overlord Saurfang once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. High Overlord Saurfang can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

High Overlord Saurfang can speak braille.

High Overlord Saurfang' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools High Overlord Saurfang.

High Overlord Saurfang does not sleep. He waits.

High Overlord Saurfang once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

High Overlord Saurfang puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

High Overlord Saurfang can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit High Overlord Saurfang' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

High Overlord Saurfang died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

High Overlord Saurfang can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.

High Overlord Saurfang can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but High Overlord Saurfang says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

High Overlord Saurfang can slam revolving doors.

Giraffes were created when High Overlord Saurfang uppercutted a horse.

Superman owns a pair of High Overlord Saurfang pajamas.

High Overlord Saurfang doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

High Overlord Saurfang can kill two stones with one bird.

High Overlord Saurfang doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Ghosts are actually caused by High Overlord Saurfang killing people faster than Death can process them.

High Overlord Saurfang was once charged with three attempted murdered in Stormwind, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because High Overlord Saurfang does not "attempt" murder.

High Overlord Saurfang never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

High Overlord Saurfang can build a snowman out of rain.

The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with High Overlord Saurfang.

High Overlord Saurfang can drown a fish.

High Overlord Saurfang once punched a man in the soul.

The only time High Overlord Saurfang was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

High Overlord Saurfang once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Champions are the breakfast of High Overlord Saurfang.

The last digit of pi is High Overlord Saurfang. He is the end of all things.

High Overlord Saurfang doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

High Overlord Saurfang is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with High Overlord Saurfang's fist.

High Overlord Saurfang used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.

High Overlord Saurfang does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns High Overlord Saurfang is.

1 comment:

Sok said...

As a child of the 80's, I giggled here:

"High Overlord Saurfang can touch MC Hammer."

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